The "F" Word

Forgiveness.  You either hate, feel guilty, wish you could hide, or just plain avoid that word.  The only time anyone likes the word forgiveness is when they need it.  Debt forgiveness ? Crime forgiveness? Accident forgiveness? Sin forgiveness?  We usually want forgiveness when it comes to us, but we aren't to sure about it when it comes to others.  We weigh the offense of others on our scale of pass or fail.  But what of God's forgiveness and what does He think we should do about it?  How does God's scale of pass or fail work?  Does He even have a scale?

Many times in my life I have had to ask and even begged forgiveness of someone. Often my wife (lol).  Many times in my life I have had to forgive someone for something they did that offended or hurt me.  Neither one is easy.  Asking forgiveness is a humbling experience and giving forgiveness should be a humbling one, but is more of a begrudging one.  Begrudging because we are usually still offended and hurt when we do the forgiving.

One time a guy that had actually been a bully to me in school was seeing an ex-girlfriend of mine.  We had actually just broken up for the third time.  Yes I said third time, and this time was a doozy.  This guy started seeing my ex sorta behind my back.  What I mean is he actually talked once with me like a friend about our break up, yet began to see her after he knew how I felt.  The kicker of this was we were all going to the same church. 
One day I arrived at the church and was in the parking lot waiting to go in and he showed up.  I was sitting in my car with the window down when he walked up and bent down to speak to me.  I began to pray and ask God to let him say something that would give me reason to suddenly throw open the door hitting him and knocking him to the ground while I jumped out and began to pummel him about the head and face.  God did not answer my prayer.
I was giving him the meanest stare I could when he said that he knew how I felt about my ex and that he had asked her to marry him and she said yes.  I began praying again for those opportunistic words.  No answer.  He then said this, " if I have done anything to offend you I want to ask you to forgive me ".  I thought "IF", "IF" you have done anything.  Remember he's the guy who used to bully me and now was going to marry my ex girlfriend.  I thought well let me just pull out my list here and......I forgive you.  Yep, I said I forgive you.  I knew it was the right thing and actually at that moment when he asked, there wasn't a question in my mind or heart.  I did it and never held anything else against him.  Oh don't get me wrong, we weren't going to be best buds or anything like that, but I did it. 

Now, there are things that happen and stuff that people do that hurt us and offend us deeply.  Those things cut deep into our hearts, souls, and even spirits.  Things that we feel that we can or will never ever be able to forgive someone for.  I will go so far as to say that we would be right to never forgive someone who has done something that we would feel was that bad.  We might be right, but would we be righteous?  We may be just in our unforgiveness, but are we justified?  That is the rub. 

Let me ask you this. Is God righteous and justified in forgiving us?  Is He righteous and justified for forgiving those who hurt and offend us and others?  Ok, let me ask the question this way.  Was Jesus' blood only for certain people?  Was Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for only certain sins or all sins? 

You see, as I said we weigh others offenses on our scale (thought) of pass or fail. If what they did was small enough to be forgiven or too big to be. The truth of the matter is that God also has a scale, but His scale is a lot different than ours.  His scale is the cross and the pure, un-tainted sinless blood of Jesus.  The only sin or offense that I know of that God has said will not be forgiven, is the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. All others can be and will be if asked for.  Yes, that means the worst of the worst.  If Hitler asked for forgiveness before he died, yes God forgave him.  If a child molester asks Gods forgiveness, yes he will forgive them.  Don't mistake me, receiving Jesus as Lord and Savior and accepting His sacrifice is the key to obtaining that forgiveness, but upon those precepts, it is available.  No it doesn't mean we can accept Jesus and then sin freely either.

" Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."
Isaiah 55:7

Ok, so what about someone who won't admit they have done anything or won't ask forgiveness of us?  Glad you asked.  I believe we are responsible as Born Again Christians, Christ-Followers, Believer's, etc. to forgive everyone and anyone who has wronged us.  Ouch, ggrrrr, I don't like this ride anymore.  If we are not responsible or we do not forgive, then we make the sacrifice of Jesus worth nothing.  We are saying that the cross and Jesus blood was not good enough to cover their sin and offense. 

But how? How are we supposed to do that? God forgives only if we ask his forgiveness, not when we don't so how or why are we to forgive when someone doesn't ask our forgiveness. Ok, here it goes. God doesn't forgive us only if we ask.  He has already forgiven us of everything we could have or would have or will ever do.  When we ask God's forgiveness of something we are receiving the forgiveness that He has already provided through the blood of Jesus.  The key again is accepting it. We can ask and receive because it's there.  If someone doesn't ask they do not acknowledge that it is there and do not receive.

" In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace."
Ephesians 1:7

Remember the bully and ex girlfriend?  I forgave him, but what about her? She had hurt me really bad.  Third time she had broken up with me.  I loved her.  I wanted to marry her.  I forgave her as well.  I had to forgive her by faith.  What I mean is that despite my feelings of hurt and anger I had to choose to forgive her because it was the right/righteous thing to do.  She didn't come to me and ask my forgiveness like he did. On the contrary we actually didn't see each other again for some years.  When we finally did see each other I knew it was going to happen.  I mean I knew that certain circumstances would bring us to see each other.  When it happened I asked her for forgiveness for the things I did wrong in our relationship and she....didn't ask for mine.  She responded with a it's okay we were young and it's all water under the bridge answer, but no will you forgive me too.  I hate to say that I actually was thinking she would.  I mean she was the one who hurt me and had broken up with me, not the other way around.  But I forgave her anyway.  I forgave her for everything without her asking.  Why? I had the power to.  I had the will and the power through God's strength, not my own. 

Forgiveness has been taught that it is for you personally more than the one you are forgiving.  I may disagree.  When we forgive, the burden of that offense is lifted from us.  It may take some time for total forgiveness and total removal (time heals), but it will happen.  We release whomever offended or sinned from that sin debt they owed to us as children of God.  Just as when Jesus said, " father forgive them, they know not what they do", He released us from the sin debt we owed to God as rebellious children of Satan. 

I know it's hard.  Nobody says it isn't.  I am no great forgiver either.  I gave you one story from my past when I could have given many.  A great man of God said to me, practically the other night, " let your character shine".  No matter who does what to step on you, be better and let your character outshine their tress pass.  We have to choose to forgive.  We have to choose to do it by faith.  We have to choose to be better than the offense.  Do we keep letting ourselves be hurt again and again by the same people?  No.  We don't have to keep putting ourselves in situations or allowing someone to do the same things over and over.  We can guard ourselves and still forgive and go on.  Your purpose and destiny does not depend on how other people treat you.  It does depend on how you treat other people. Forgiveness, The F Word.

In Christ,
Kevin